Why are the Holidays so *Freaking* Hard?
By Binaka Norris
What happens when the most wonderful time of the year is anything but? According to a study done by the National Alliance of Mental Health, 64% of people with mental illness said the holidays make their conditions worse. Even for those without mental illness, the holidays can be hard. Scratch that, they ARE hard. When December first rolls around, it’s like people assume that everyone’s troubles just magically ~disappear~. As if the snowman blowups and twinkly lights are going to solve all of our problems. As much as I wish that was the case, it just isn’t. A few days ago, my intrusive thoughts had me paralyzed - self-doubt is one heck of a drug - and surprisingly, throwing on my Christmas PJs did not shut my sabotaging brain up. As if the holidays weren’t stressful enough, this year we have dealt with a global pandemic, racial unrest, and a dying economy, and that’s just the icing on this dumpster fire of a cake. So how do we deal? Below are a couple strategies to use when the holiday blues strike.
Prioritize safety.
As the pandemic drudges along, it's easy to get complacent. But for everyone’s peace of mind, remember to celebrate safely. Staying cautious and smart reduces the risk of “big gathering anxiety”, and intimate gatherings with trusted friends and family are easier to manage. If possible, gather in open air or larger spaces, and keep meetings shorter to limit exposure. It’s not ideal, and it sucks, but knowing that you’re doing your part to keep yourself and others safe can reduce your own anxiety.
Recognize your feelings and accept them.
Your feelings are valid, even if everyone around you feels the opposite or tells you otherwise. The holidays are hard. Don’t feel like throwing on a smile and zooming with your grandparents? Take a day to rest. Don’t want to participate in a gift exchange. Politely excuse yourself and relax. Most of the holiday pressure we feel comes from ourselves, so cut yourself some slack this holiday season.
Start a gratitude journal.
Yes this sounds cheesy - it is cheesy. But studies show that writing down things you’re thankful for improves mental health, so find a journal, a yellow pad, or old tissue and write down at least three things you’re grateful for. They can be extremely simple or extravagant, but if you can find at least three things to appreciate, you’ll feel better. Here’s mine as of right now: I’m grateful for the baby who waved at me in Target, for getting all green lights on the way home, and for my chocolate croissant. It’s easy to fall into negativity, so train your brain to be more thankful.
Turn off the news.
Just do it. Turn off notifications, change the channel, and delete Twitter for a few days. Ignorance is bliss.
Set family boundaries.
Spending time with family can be different for everyone, and in a year as polarizing as this one, creating a list of non-talking points and limiting interaction can be beneficial for everyone. If your family is toxic or harmful for your mental/physical health, do not reach out to them if you do not want to. You don’t owe toxic people anything.
So yeah, the holidays suck. It's hard to get in the *holiday spirit* when joy feels elusive. Just know that there are resources available for you, and that the DON team is here for you.
From all of us at DON,
Happy(ish) Holidays <3